It’s mid-morning, the brunching hour again, and Tony is attended to by William, in William’s house. He sits at a high dining bench in a kitchen and William potters about in the kitchen making toast (which at, any natural time, he gingerly plucks from the toaster and places on a plate) and tea or coffee. William is hopping about on his only leg, and also performing the kitchen tasks with only one arm.
Tony: Why didn’t you tell me you’d been attacked by a shark?
William: I didn’t want to be written of as ‘just one of those “shark attack” people’.
Tony: But a shark attacked you.
William: So what, you know, it’s like those cancer people.
Tony: What do you mean “those cancer people”
William: Like your mother.
Tony: My mother had cancer.
William: Yes but she didn’t have to let it rule her life the way it did.
Tony: It killed her.
William: Oh, so now you’re a doctor.
Tony: Forget it; anyway, it would’ve explained a lot in your actions these past few weeks.
William: Yeah, that’s what I’m telling you; I needed to incorporate those actions into my enduring persona, I can’t go around with two Williams. This is William, and this is Shark-Attack-William. When you do that you are admitting that William is overwhelmed by his Shark-Attack, which he is not, William absorbs the Shark-Attack and it’s disadvantages into his self and does not need an excuse.
Tony: I’m just saying, it would explain why you didn’t turn up to the game.
William: William didn’t turn up to the game because William didn’t feel like running.
Tony: William, you don’t have your left leg.
William: Which is why I didn’t feel like running.
Tony: But we just thought it was only that you didn’t feel like running.
William: So it was.
Tony: No, no, Bill, it was because you can’t run without both legs and you haven’t both legs… Or both arms.
William: Precisely, I neither felt like running nor like pitching so I decided not to come to the game.
Tony: But I mightn’t have been so insistent on the phone if you’d maybe further expanded on your reasons.
William: I don’t need to invoke some super-clause in order to make my excuses. William needs no super-powers. Why did you not come to my wedding?
Tony: I didn’t know you and Deb back then, how could I have attended?
William: You might have attended, you were alive, the wedding occurred, I’m near certain that the wedding happened, you might have attended. But you didn’t, and I’ve never held that against you. Not only that, you’ve never felt the need to make longwinded excuses.
Tony: But I didn’t know you!
William: It would have been nice to have your support at the time. It was a big step for me.
Tony: Congratulations, Deb is a fine woman. Such elegant ankles.
William: Thanks for saying.
Tony: Listen, I am dependant on my glasses for reading, you know that.
William: That I know.
Tony: If I was at the wedding, in front of your 200 gues-
William: One hundred and sixty four.
Tony: 164 guests. And you asked me to read a passage from the bible or make a toast, but I’d forgotten my glasses, I wouldn’t have said “No I don’t feel like speaking tonight”.
William: What would you have said?
Tony: <Exasperated now> I’d have said “Sorry William, I’ve forgotten my glasses.”
William: Well I refuse to be ruled by my illness like you are. I define myself, and I shoulder my own responsibilities. But, you can convey my displeasure to “Blind-Tony” for his non-attendance at my wedding too. Really to think that neither of you bothered to show up.
Tony: <yelling> We didn’t know you!
William: And you both forgot your glasses.
Tony: <still yelling> We didn’t know you wanted us to speak!
William: Geez, there’re so many Tony’s in here. Here here, listen: Imagine you’re out having a run, for exercise. And you run through a darkened park, it’s past dusk. And you’re running through the grass, there is a path to your right but you’re on the grass. And you’re taken to look over your shoulder because of an inexplicable uneasiness and you see something clearly running towards you at a pace much faster than you are running. What do you do? You’re already running.
Tony: I keep running I suppose.
William: Or turn to fight.
Tony: <strained> Yeah, or I turn to fight. What’s the point?
William: <yelling> Come on man, it’s a story of inevitability!
Tony: <yelling> How is that relevant?
William: Do you run with your glasses on?
Samuel L is the naturalest, naturopathic practitioner of natural medicine, working within conventional Western Chi. His expert opinion has been sought in three class-actions regarding the utility of things. He subscribes to a number of eminent publications, in magazine form. His opinions on most topics are held in high regard. You may contact him at work, or just leave a message. He lives in Melbourne, Victoria and likes what you've done with the place. 
Sad Elissa thinks this is funny.
It’s well known that all Elissas would think this was funny.
very funny and whats weird.. I was reading this while eating toast with tehina and avocado, and I couldn’t find my glasses